The Consultant’s Fear

the-consultants-fear

When I was in my impressionable early teens I used to do a lot of this skating and was actually fixated on it. (This is me now today at 50)

There was a place called Skate City in London that for a young skater was the ultimate place to visit. I yearned to visit that place and kept on for years to my parents about going there, which was a 5 hour trip in the car.

When they kindly saved up enough money and took me to London and to this incredible skate park I actually froze, and was overcome and overwhelmed with shyness..

I was so scared and didn’t feel I was worthy enough, didn’t think I had the skills, didn’t have the confidence, just felt a total small boy from a rural town out of his depth with these pro skaters all around me everywhere.

So I didn’t skate….

Of course my parents tried to hide their disappointment, I felt it, but I was more disappointed in myself than them on me, I felt awful and embarrassed.

So in hindsight of course I had the skills, of course I was worthy….

What I didn’t have was confidence, I didn’t have mindset to just get involved and embrace the fear..

I didn’t believe in myself enough to jump in with the big boys….

I learnt that at a young age fear is to be braved…

Fear is the doorway to great things…

I’m glad I did because I know that that feeling is just my own self worth fucking with me, and I’ve managed to manage it ever since.

It rarely fucks me up anymore.

What about you?